Art work

Suspicious happenings

The poll (featured left), which had previously been calling for the untimely death of Thatcher-bashing journo Brian Walden, is now slowly slipping towards the vaguely heretical 'victorian liberal' result that nobody wants to see.

Don't forget that it is possible to email the link by pressing the letter icon in the bottom right-hand corner of each story.

Gay Cowboy/ Drunk Cowboy ?

It's OSCAR time again and gay-cowboy flick 'Brokeback Mountain' is going head to head with 'Walk the Line' a biopic of country singer Johnny Cash.

Hollywood insiders struggled to explain the predominance of cowboys in this year's Academy Award Nominations. Though a White House Spokesman was quick to deny that the current administration had exerted any influence over the Academy.

Developing.....

Everyone, meet Chris

Everyone, meet Chris.

CF members, and pretty much everyone who isn't a Literal Dumbocrat will come to love Chris over the next few years as he 'settles' in to his new job.

But what do we know about him?

Well, Chris lists his interests as watersports, walking the dog, musical theatre and jazz (specifically scat).

He is also a good friend of Dorothy. Thornhill that is, Lib Dem Mayor of Watford.

Nothing controversial there then....

EU and Hamas

The European Union is facing one of it's greatest foriegn policy challenges to date with the election in Palestine of militant Islamic group Hamas.

Observers of european politics and international affairs point to the obvious problems involved in continuing to support a government that calls for the wholesale destruction of Israel and that condones and supports murderous suicide bombings.

Juxtaposed against this is the massive suffering to the Palestinian people that will be caused by the sudden withdrawal of basic necessities if the EU withdraws. Supplies of food, electricity, clean water and civil service functions will all cease almost immediately.

However, CF News has uncovered the real source of European discomfort - corruption.

Hamas swept into power not, as is commonly thought, due to their implacable opposition to Israel, but rather through their steadfast opposition to corruption in running Palestinian Authority territory.

The combination of fundamentalist islamic theology and popular rejection of corruption in the ruling Fatah party has bred a new type of Palestinian politician opposed to greed, corruption, deception, back-handers, special interest groups, subsidies and opaque government.

This is all very worrying to the EU who were previously able to find much common ground with their Palestinian counterparts, but who now are left struggling to comprehend a government that is accountable to its people and that opposes graft.

Italian MEP Luigi-Valentino Issacrasio, an expert of EU-Palestinian affairs said "Its-a lucky they-a all crazee suicide bomberinos. We don't think we could-a cope with all this-a crazee no-corruptioni politics. It-a would be catastrofoni for all of us. No more-a money in the brown envelopes - catastrofoni, catastrofoni!!!!"

Story developing...

Margaret Thatcher was a LIBERAL

Maggie? A Liberal?

Yes, according to Brian Walden. Her ideological commitment to economic liberalism makes her a victorian liberal and NOT a natural Tory.

Is this a clever ploy by rampant-leftie Walden to split the new Tory consensus or does he have a point?

The poll (left) will let you have your say

NO SEX PLEASE! - I'm Italian

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has shown his country that he is no stranger to making tough decisons and sacrifices for the greater good.

To a crowd of hundreds the socially conservative Premier took a vow of 12 weeks celeibacy until the election results are announced next April.

The clergyman, Rev. Massimiliano Pusceddu, a popular televangelist in the south of the country blessed Berlusconi declaring "if the left wins it will be the moral end for this country."

However, the declaration came as somewhat of a surprise as the Prime Minister is renowned for his macho virile image which he shamelessly self-promotes through his media interests.

In Other News:

Italy's birth rate is amongst the lowest in the world

The Aftermath for Marlboro Man'

Perhaps THE defining image of the war in Iraq.

A dazed marine smoking a cigarette after 24 hours of house-to-house fighting in Fallujah.

This article is an amazing piece of journalism by Matthew Stannard of the San Francisco Chronicle.

Read it.

Balmy Basingstoke

I think I had hypothermia but after a while the vicious cold seemed actually quite pleasant, and getting out of bed at 7am seemed a reasonable idea.

Basingstoke was as exciting as expected, but as a target council it was important to be there, despite the fact that brass monkeys were lining up at the local garage enquiring about welding.

Thanks to Adam, Stephen and Alex for helping us out. On the CF exec side Claire Palmer, Jonathan Ash Edwards and (unofficial member) Richard 'Action' Jackson put in a sterling performance.

Well done!

Best of British

Amir Khan battered Belarussian opponent Vitali Martynov for 72 seconds on his way to a fifth consecutive professional win.

Amir, British born to Pakistani parents, is proving to be a class act, impressing with his hand speed and technical skills.

Asked about the speed of his first-round win, Amir commented "I don't get paid overtime."

Basingstoke

Guys,

Campaigning in Basingstoke tomorrow. A marginal seat that we are targeting.

10:15 tomorrow Basingstoke train station or 10:30 at the Paramount Country Hotel.

All welcome,

Andrew

It's the weekend...

This is funny - very funny...

Watch Video Here

The Battle Royale with Andrew Neill

Seismic convulsions last night, as television's best politics show welcomed Lembit 'the Limpet' Opik, squaring off against 'Dangerous' Diane Abbott.

'This Week' fronted by the improbably sunny Andrew Neill, (who btw got his leg-over with Christine Hamilton - "It was 'purely sexual'.") rarely does 'controversial'. Rather it takes the form of a mature, well informed discussion of the issues of the day - but NOT last night.

Lembit, (who is to Lib Dem leadership contenders as ice was to the Titanic) began his sterling defence of Simon Hughes (if you need protecting from some disgrace call Lembit, he's had a lot of practice lately). Sad to say Lembit, for all his worldly irish charm, struggled to polish the turd that is Simon Hughes. Worse still, Diane Abbott, a long-time lefty, is old enough to remember the campaign that first elevated the 'Man-Talk' fan into his Southwark seat.

As Lembit blithely reminisced on Simon's all-round good guy image Diane stewed.

Diane is normally one to stew- and it showed. At first there was a slight trembling that built into a nervous twitch. Perhaps, just then, Lembit's gormless features pacified her momentarily, for she subsided into a deceptive stillness - just like Mt. St. Helens before it erupted.

Then Lembit, in the least well-advised move since Galloway went into the BB house, lit the match that blew the powder keg. "Simon, as a by-election candidate was at the mercy of the tactics of the campaign organisers."

Diane exploded!

Like a metric tonne of black dynamite she detonated all over the 'This Week' studio. Andrew Neil was powerless to stop her - Portillo didn't even try, and it was Lembit who caught the full blast.

You would expect that when Diane goes off on one she would roar in a voice that could split the ground and make mountains tremble. But our Diane is no alto, she lets rip with a pure soprano squeal of indignation. Like so much steam escaping from a kettle she blasted Opik for his numbskullery. "How dare he vindicate Hughes for THAT campaign?"

In the aftermath there wasn't much more to say. Lembit vainly tried to battle on, but it was no good. Andrew Neill, fearing for the asteroid dodger's safety, brought the piece to an early close. And poor Lembit never knew how close he had come to an untimely end.

Last Chance

Prospective copywriters for ConservativeFuture.com contact me for an application form

andrewyoung@conservativefuture.com

Deadline is tomorrow.

Andrew

A message from Menzies Campbell

(In the style of Simon Hughes)

"Dear CF Members,

This election is a STRAIGHT CHOICE.

Many QUEER things have been said about my opponents in this leadership race, but can I assure you that the facts have been BENT out of shape.

Though many lesser candidates may be persuaded to twist or bend the facts I can assure you I AM NO BENDER of facts.

I wish only a fair hearing as we deal with the future of this country. After all, what sort of democracy do we have if the press won't let a MAN TALK.

Sincerely yours,

Menzies Campbell

Merciless Ruler of the Universe/ President Liberal Democrats

Cowley Street

London"

(P.S - For our friends in the Literal Dumbocrat party, this is a JOKE. Frankly it serves you right for having a leadership candidate originally elected after a nasty campaign against a gay candidate, who was caught telling porkies about his own sexuality and all from a party that attempts to hold the moral high ground above everyone else.

Hope the rest of the campaign works out well for you - then again...)

The Smoking Gun

Lot's of blogs have carried this, but http://5thnovember.blogspot.com/2006/01/hughes-lies-and-hypocrisy.html really goes to town on Simon Hughes.

I doubt even the Lib Dems stooped so low, but after seeing this flyer I am not so sure...

Deja Vu All over again

In light of the recent DISASTROUS run of form for Literal Dumbocrats I have changed the poll (left).

All Lib Dems are welcome to use this opportunity to set the record straight. After all...the problem is not how you swing. It's merely how you keep it secret from your friends, constituents, wives, girlfriends and children until it is all embarrassingly splashed all over the newspapers.

New CF Logo Launched

Conservative Future: "It's better than crack !"

Back in Business

After an uncomfortably large gap of several weeks Punch & Judy politics has been restored to Westminster.

David Cameron (Grand High Priest of Opus Dave) slew the Prime Minister with one of the killer one-liners for which he is rapidly becoming famous.

...and how did Tony respond? He smiled of course. The "I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out than take anymore of this" smile. A smile that he reserves for special occasions (a standing ovation for Mo Mowlam during his conference speech, losing Mandy from cabinet twice, anything regarding Iraq, losing Blunkett from cabinet twice)

All in all it's a painful farewell for Tony. No legacy to speak of so far and a hell of a fight for one coming up. Ruth Kelly may be the scapegoat targeted by Blair's enemies, but it is his educational reforms which ultimately get the backbencher's blood boiling.

To cap it all, just when it seems like he might escape a roughing up in the Commons along comes DC to open up all the old wounds.Poor guy.

Then again.....

It's a record - 50 visitors per day

We have had 50 visitors since yesterday. A record result for what is esssentially a small operation.

Thank you for visiting, feel free to email me; andrewyoung@conservativefuture.com - or leave a message.

Andrew

Simpson's in Saudi Arabia (yes really)

Watch Video Here

A message from George W Bush, President of the United States

"My fellow un-Americans,

It has recently come to my (staff's) attention that some of you Britishers think your president to be my 'yes man', poodle, lap-dog, lickspittle, bag carrier and chief apologist. I am writing this to assure you that in fact this is a gross misinformication of the boldest kind.

Tony Blair is not and has never been my poodle. Rather he has prime ministrated excellently in many countries, and abroad, in the name of advancing our common interests, namely BP and Texaco.

To those thinking, wrongly, that Mr Blair is lacking in moral integrity, I can assure you that I have looked into his eyes and seen that, truly, he is my equal in every way.

I hope that the people of the United Kingdom of England will unite behind their almighty ruler in this last great battle against the ay-rabs, North Koreans and other dictators who selfishly protect their oil reserves against American influence.

If not - I am prepared to begin bombing large parts of Muswell Hill in retaliation.

Yours supremely,

George W. Bush

President
USA
America "

CF Newcastle 2006

Westminster Whale Dies

Londoner's brief joy at the appearance of a whale near Westminster was tempered by sadness today.

The whale, referred to as 'Wally' by some newspapers died despite a £100k rescue attempt.

Suspected cause of death: Diarrhoea blowback

Haway the Toon!

CF members are congregating in Newcastle for a day of campaigning followed by a party in a trendy bar in the city centre.

To find out how to get involved click here

Whale spotted near Westminster

Crowds are gathering to marvel as this behemoth thrashes wildly and spouts freely from his blowhole...

Roll Up, Roll Up

ConservativeFuture.com are advertising for copywriters again.

If you want to get involved and are prepared to work hard this is the ideal way.

Contact me on andrewyoung@conservativefuture.com and ask for an application form. (Label the emails 'CF Copywriter Jan 2006' )

The current teams are improving massively and luckily most, maybe all, of them will stay on. However, for some gifted people there is space available. There are two teams and you will only be asked to contribute an article every fortnight. However, you'll have to work hard to make that the best article possible as competition within the site is as fierce as the rush to get on it.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Blue Skies

It is getting to that stage in the Exec's life when people are expecting to see results.

Three months in and our members are perhaps getting restless. More likely than not they are so divorced from CF that the inner workings of the NME are irrelevant - perhaps they're right.

But it shouldn't be like this. A National Exec has a duty to ALL its members and we are no different, but how to go about changing CF for the better?

The answer (thanks to Ranil) may be to do less.

At the moment there is an all-consuming desire to put things on paper, to form an imaginary tick-list that proves how hard we are working- this is the wrong approach. Hard work is a given (at least amongst this year's exec), but all that effort needs to be concentrated where it will do most good.

In two year's time no-one will care when we went for drinks at a posh bar, or met an MP. Even directly useful work like getting Fresher's Fair packs ready is a short-term goal. What should define the success of this exec should be its legacy. How can a group of eight people change the way the organisation works for the better?

Ranil got it right - focus on the regions.

Building up the party structure, recruiting and training members will do more lasting good than working flat out to deliver 20 events. The NME must develop the organisation so that when our term expires we leave behind a healthier CF with a clear idea of where it is going.

(Your comments welcome - AndrewYoung@conservativefuture.com)

Final Countdown

Are you a CF member living in the NE? If so you can join the CF NME as we work to throw the Lib Dems out of our target ward in Newcastle this Saturday. A day of getting hands on experience of campaigning followed by a night out at a chic club in Toon, what more could you ask for?

Also happening this weekend - CF NME meeting. If you have any queries or urgent points to raise with the exec contact me on andrewyoung@conservativefuture.com

Man at Work

I know I am supposed to keep CF members up-to-date through this site, but I am currently working a 72-hour week due to Cf stuff so here are the highlights.
----------------
e-Campaigning - Writing a guide to building and maintaining websites

Communications - Writing and improving the CF bulletin, but can't wait to receive delivery of our new email template.
- Planning content for campaigns with Dan Large and Jonathan Ash Edwards

CF.com - planning content of the news articles for the site. (please, every CF branch with a website get our RSS feed, two new topical articles per week)
- Working on a rolling programme of improvements to the site (this is very slow work, but CCHQ knows what we would like)

CF Northern Ireland - Working with David Fry in Belfast expect to see;
- St. Patrick's Day event for National CF
- New CFNI website
-Members events
-Increased support for CF in NI
NB- The Exec should not micromanage their regions or indeed any regions. The NME will only flourish by engaging local members and encouraging them to take on responsibility.

CF Wales - Collating membership data and beginning a renewal of the local organisation
- working on seeing a new CF Wales website
- engaging the Wales students

PLUS a two secret projects that have yet to be unveiled.

I'm going to bed.....

A message from the Rt. Hon. Charles Kennedy MP

"Dear CF members,

I am writing to thank you for your (somewhat baffling) support over the past troubled week.

I am very reassured that even as my own party discarded me like a used hankerchief, the members of Conservative Future came out to offer me their full support with comments such as "You're doing a great job - honestly!" and "We need you." (They must have meant need in the sense that Britain 'needs' forward thinking and principled democratic opposition such as that offered when I was 'in power')

As I now reflect on what might have been (as well as my now ironically titled book -pictured), I cannot help but feel a little betrayed by my once-loyal colleagues. Ming-the-Merciless has long coveted my position, but to be stabbed in the back (of the knee) by that venomous little dwarf Sarah Teather was a step too far.

You would think, that a group of people loyal enough to keep my alcohol problem secret from the voters during two general election campaigns would keep schtum when it came to getting rid of me.

In any case, it is all now irrelevant. As my own party squabbles over who will become the next Grand High Irrelevance, I am left to contemplate my own immediate future. It is my pleasure to announce to CF members first that I will be the mystery 12th Housemate on Celebrity Big Brother.

With luck, and CF members continuing support I can go on to receive a democratic mandate from the only people who count - students and chavvy hairdressers from Essex. Failing that, hopefully I can persuade Jodie Marsh and that girl from Baywatch to make a Charlie Sandwich out of me.

Wishing you well for the New Year,

Charles"

Editor's Note: For anyone still in confusion, (especially members of the Literal Dumbocrat Party) this is a joke and should not be taken seriously - except for the bit about Celebrity Big Brother.

The Year Ahead

The CF exec has been fairly busy so far, but the big challenge is the set of elections happening in May. What is CF going to do?

I would hope that we will have sorted the basic stuff. Knowing who our members are, introducing ways of getting things done quickly and easily and having some idea of what we are trying to have achieved at the end of this year.

The perennial problems of the CF NME are likely to rear their heads. In the thick of the hard work that comes with the job, every exec has a tendency to only focus on lurching from crisis to crisis, rather than projecting one, two or five years ahead. Years of muddling along in this way seem to have marginalised the role of the exec and this year we may see a radical restructuring imposed from above rather than developed from the grassroots.

Now is the time to seize the initiative.

• Firstly, find out who our members are and fill any blank gaps in the party structure.
• Secondly, have clear communication between the various levels of our membership. This should be led by the NME with a strong focus on developing the regions and encouraging localism. Also, sorting out the bulletin and website will help massively.
• Thirdly, what is CF for? A simple question, but since being elected I have heard lots of conflicting opinions. We need to fix our priorities and find ways of achieving them
• Finally, CF needs to be busier. At the moment things happen on an ad hoc basis. Why can't this organisation, with it's wealth of enthusiastic people, start planning in advance what we are doing and why, across every part of it.

Any comments on what CF should be doing? Feel free to post them on the blog.

ElectionElectionElectionElection

...and he admits he is an alcohlic (read more)

Save Charles Kennedy

CF members - your country needs you.

Charles Kennedy, chatshow-loving ginger blimp and friend of Jack (Daniels that is) , is about to be outsted by the fractious and increasingly pointless Lib Dumbs. This CANNOT be allowed to happen.

CF members everywhere should remember that before the supernatural ascension of el-Cameroon, the Tories were in dire straits, with little cohesive strategy, no policies worth shouting about and no luck.

Think back to those dark pre-election days (we're going to win honestly! It'll all be fought in the marginals) remember how the Lib Dumbs would have soared past 100 seats in parliament at the expense of the Tories had it not been for the sterling incompetence of Osama bin Kennedy

Therefore, I am urging you NOT to visit the popular Kennedy Must Go website that is fuelling the sandal-wearing yellow menace's current tiff and instead head to the under supported Save Kennedy

For the good of your country you MUST sign up. Your country needs you