A message from George W Bush, President of the United States

"My fellow un-Americans,

It has recently come to my (staff's) attention that some of you Britishers think your president to be my 'yes man', poodle, lap-dog, lickspittle, bag carrier and chief apologist. I am writing this to assure you that in fact this is a gross misinformication of the boldest kind.

Tony Blair is not and has never been my poodle. Rather he has prime ministrated excellently in many countries, and abroad, in the name of advancing our common interests, namely BP and Texaco.

To those thinking, wrongly, that Mr Blair is lacking in moral integrity, I can assure you that I have looked into his eyes and seen that, truly, he is my equal in every way.

I hope that the people of the United Kingdom of England will unite behind their almighty ruler in this last great battle against the ay-rabs, North Koreans and other dictators who selfishly protect their oil reserves against American influence.

If not - I am prepared to begin bombing large parts of Muswell Hill in retaliation.

Yours supremely,

George W. Bush

President
USA
America "