Monday, September 18, 2006

Lib Dem money for Female Candidates

An secretly recorded conversation at Lib Dem party conference:

"Speaker 1: All right everyone, settle down. I've called you all here to set out our proposed gimmick for the conference.

Speaker 2: Ah, but gimmicks are a disingenuous idea, deceitful to the taxpayer, a waste of....

Speaker 1: Shut it Huhney! There's a reason I'm in charge and it's not to listen to plebs like you!

Alright - gimmick is, we offer money for female candidates. This party desperately needs to up its female quota after the latest round of 'distasteful' press stories regarding certain people, this might be our way back...

Speaker 3: To be fair in my defence, I AM going bald...

Speaker 1: I've told you before, Ming's in charge. when I'm speaking I don't expect to be interrupted.

Speaker 3: Sorry.

Speaker 1: As I was saying, the Lib Dems are seen as a bunch of poofters and weirdos at the moment. We need to change that dramatically. Money up-front for female candidates will be a great way of showing our commitment to the progress of women in politics.

Speaker 4: I think I can be of help here. As one of only nine elected wom...

Speaker 1: Help? Course you can be of help, milk and three sugars.

Speaker 2: Coffee - black

Speaker 3: Any camomile tea?

Speaker 1: I've warned you...

Speaker 3: Sorry.

Speaker 4: Umm... that's not quite what I meant. You see as a party we need to reach out to women and minorities.

Speaker 1: Oh right, yes, of course - minorities, how remiss of me. Anybody know any black people?

[Silence]

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